I feel so terrible. I have this video of a guy being followed by a sheep across a field.

Ethan Edwards is the co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles. Blog posts reflect his personal views, and are not statements from the organization.

Man to therapist: "I'm so, so upset! You know my mother's been slowly declining, and I flew out to visit her. After I got back, I had a thought flash through my mind that I wished she would just go ahead and die! It was just that once, but I felt ashamed. Then she did die, six days later! She knew I was an awful son and that's why she died."Therapist: "I can see you'd be upset, but she didn't really know you had that thought, right?"

Man to therapist: "I feel so terrible. I have this video of a guy being followed by a sheep across a field. He just looks so terrified — I mean, he didn't know sheep weren't dangerous, but it's still hilarious. I have a copy, and last night I was really depressed, and I knew it would cheer me up a little if I looked at it again. I did — I had a good laugh. But I just know he could tell I was laughing at him. My viewing caused him pain."

Therapist: "I'm glad you found something to cheer you up. But think about it — there's no way he could know you were laughing at his video, right?"

Man to therapist: "I feel kind of bad. There was this woman Mary who was on the team making the sales pitch to us last week. I was in the audience and she never saw me, but she was just one very hot woman. And three times since then, at night, I've, well, masturbated thinking about her. And I feel sure she can just tell I'm doing it, I feel like I'm degrading her — I mean really, she KNOWS I'm thinking about her sexually without permission."

Therapist: "You can reflect on what sexual fantasies make YOU feel bad, but one thing we know is that she does NOT know you are thinking about her sexually. She's 3,000 miles away."

Man to therapist: "I have this video I shouldn't have — it was stuck in with this big patch of ordinary porn I downloaded for free. It's a girl — she's like 12, and she's naked, and she's playing with herself between the legs. She looks like she's enjoying it, but I know that's a lie and someone made her do it. I just know she could tell I was looking at her and getting a little aroused. It was like I was abusing her all over again."

Therapist: "I should say so! Of course she could tell! Every time a man looks at a picture of child abuse images, he IS abusing her all over again. It's just as if you were right there beside her making her do it! You abused her — you personally did it!"

This content was taken from Ethan's longstanding blog, Celibate Pedophiles. Some of the titles and taglines have been edited for their inclusion at thepword.

You can see an earlier version of the blog at the wayback machine.

This content was removed from blogspot in 2020 because the platform banned the author's account, giving only a vague reason.

the p word is a collection of 309 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.

editor at the p word net | Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people. | Download the whole site.

more on cp — preparing to go digging

what if ordinary porn was illegal?

funding to reduce csa is never specifically to catch passive cp viewers

ethan edwards

While I believe that virtual CP should be made available so that pedophiles can get sexual satisfaction out of it, I do not feel that way about CP made with real children.

ethan edwards

Looking at CP is illegal and can incur stiff penalties, and I would urge everyone to not look at it, for that reason if nothing else. Setting that aside, I think looking at CP is morally questionable. It would certainly make me personally uncomfortable. (I have never seen any).

ethan edwards

The government and private funders allocate money to stop child sex abuse. Their purpose is not really being met.

While I believe that virtual CP should be made available so that pedophiles can get sexual satisfaction out of it, I do not feel that way about CP made with real children.

Looking at CP is illegal and can incur stiff penalties, and I would urge everyone to not look at it, for that reason if nothing else. Setting that aside, I think looking at CP is morally questionable. It would certainly make me personally uncomfortable. (I have never seen any).

The government and private funders allocate money to stop child sex abuse. Their purpose is not really being met.