I feel so terrible. I have this video of a guy being followed by a sheep across a field.

Ethan Edwards is the co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles. Blog posts reflect his personal views, and are not statements from the organization.

Man to therapist: "I'm so, so upset! You know my mother's been slowly declining, and I flew out to visit her. After I got back, I had a thought flash through my mind that I wished she would just go ahead and die! It was just that once, but I felt ashamed. Then she did die, six days later! She knew I was an awful son and that's why she died."Therapist: "I can see you'd be upset, but she didn't really know you had that thought, right?"

Man to therapist: "I feel so terrible. I have this video of a guy being followed by a sheep across a field. He just looks so terrified — I mean, he didn't know sheep weren't dangerous, but it's still hilarious. I have a copy, and last night I was really depressed, and I knew it would cheer me up a little if I looked at it again. I did — I had a good laugh. But I just know he could tell I was laughing at him. My viewing caused him pain."

Therapist: "I'm glad you found something to cheer you up. But think about it — there's no way he could know you were laughing at his video, right?"

Man to therapist: "I feel kind of bad. There was this woman Mary who was on the team making the sales pitch to us last week. I was in the audience and she never saw me, but she was just one very hot woman. And three times since then, at night, I've, well, masturbated thinking about her. And I feel sure she can just tell I'm doing it, I feel like I'm degrading her — I mean really, she KNOWS I'm thinking about her sexually without permission."

Therapist: "You can reflect on what sexual fantasies make YOU feel bad, but one thing we know is that she does NOT know you are thinking about her sexually. She's 3,000 miles away."

Man to therapist: "I have this video I shouldn't have — it was stuck in with this big patch of ordinary porn I downloaded for free. It's a girl — she's like 12, and she's naked, and she's playing with herself between the legs. She looks like she's enjoying it, but I know that's a lie and someone made her do it. I just know she could tell I was looking at her and getting a little aroused. It was like I was abusing her all over again."

Therapist: "I should say so! Of course she could tell! Every time a man looks at a picture of child abuse images, he IS abusing her all over again. It's just as if you were right there beside her making her do it! You abused her — you personally did it!"

About the author: Ethan Edwards is a pseudonym. I am a pedophile, always celibate, and I have never seen child pornography. My attraction is strongest to girls around 4 years old, but I am also attracted to girls and women up through their 30s or beyond. Now in my late 60s, I'm divorced and living alone. I was married for over 10 years and was heavily involved with raising my 3 daughters. For most of my career I was a successful software engineer. I am very unusual for a pedophile in that I didn't realize that I was one until I was in my 50s—but it was there all along. I am angry that we all must remain silent or risk losing everything. That was my mindset when I co-founded Virtuous Pedophiles in 2012. I soon learned of the the terror of the typical pedophile who realizes as a teenager that his attraction isn't going to go away, who has nowhere to turn for help. The injustice I am most passionate about is the harsh legal penalties imposed on pedophiles who passively view illegal images of children. I stepped down from my role as a director of Virtuous Pedophiles early in 2024 and am delighted to pass the mantle on to a younger generation. This content was taken from Ethan's longstanding blog, Celibate Pedophiles. Some of the titles and taglines have been edited for their inclusion at thepword.

You can see an earlier version of the blog at the wayback machine.

This content was removed from blogspot in 2020 because the platform banned the author's account, giving only a vague reason.

the p word is a collection of 321 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.

editor at the p word net | Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people. | Download the whole site.

sex offender, anti-contact pedophile

suicidal thoughts vs being suicidal

keep kids safer: get rid of mandated reporting!

aydne

I kinda worked myself into this mindframe where, well if I'm gonna be a monster anyway... and that kinda set the backdrop for what ended up happening.

brett daywalker

The first time I had a suicidal thought I was in 4th grade. That means I would have been 9 or 10.

ethan edwards

Rare horrible news stories drive public perceptions and legislation.

I kinda worked myself into this mindframe where, well if I'm gonna be a monster anyway... and that kinda set the backdrop for what ended up happening.

The first time I had a suicidal thought I was in 4th grade. That means I would have been 9 or 10.

Rare horrible news stories drive public perceptions and legislation.