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Written during the pandemic. Take a moment, reflect. Even in difficult times, find moments of joy in your life. A global pandemic is raging across the world. So many people have lost their jobs; so many are suffering. Healthcare workers are heroes, and everyone else can do little but applaud, go to dangerous jobs, or sit at home, hoping things get better and we figure a way out of this mess. If we didn't know already, we are all learning to be a bit lonely. What's clear is that this pandemic is going to shape our society, and how we think about ourselves and our vulnerabilities.
It's so easy to get lost in your head and think only about the suffering that's going on. But a wise friend of mine once said: "I have only so many fucks to give." She "gave a fuck" about injustice, and global warming, and many other things. But she also knew when to say: "this is bad, but there is nothing I can do about it, it's not the thing I'm working on. I have to live my life and not worry about it." Even if she cared about the issue, even if she knew what was happening was wrong... she had only so many fucks to give.
The moment that grips us now is filled with tragedy. So many people losing their jobs, people dying, tremendous uncertainty. So consider carefully how many fucks you have to give, and don't spend your time freaking out about other things. Stay safe, help people, and find the things that bring you joy.
This post won't really be about pedophilia. There's something nice about a post that's just about normal life, but takes the experience of pedophiles into account. Besides, this time calls for just reminding people to stop and find what they love. And that is especially true for pedophiles: isolated and hidden at the best of times, struggling with their sexuality... suddenly even more of the world is closed off. Especially for you, this is to help you settle.
Of course, it can be so hard to find the things that bring you joy. A little while ago, I was walking outside. It was my first time outside in a while, and a beautiful day. For a moment, I just remembered: there's beauty in the world, and my whole spirit lifted. So let me share some joy I've found, in the hope it can bring you joy too.
I find joy in simple things. Taking a walk outside, and being reminded how beautiful it is. Taking a shower, not because I need to clean up for someone, but just for myself. Eating food, good, simple food, that I'm making myself.
I find joy in connections. I've reconnected with so many friends from other parts of the country (and other parts of the world!) with whom I'd lost touch because I moved away from them or they moved away from me. Now we chat, we play games together online, we solve puzzles together.
I've also connected with others in the pedo community. With those who share similar interests, in all kinds of variations, or people who travel in the same circles even if they're not interested in children and are just kinky in other ways. For some people, I'm one of the first pedophiles they've ever just... talked to about their interests, and we've shared our struggles and how we overcome them, as well as some of the joys we've experienced. That ability to help others and connect over a forbidden part of ourselves has been powerful.
I've found joy in taking on a big project that I really wanted to do (a big writing project) and dedicating time to it. It's given me something to fill my time that feels productive, and which always has something new to throw at me.
I've found joy in helping others. I make financial donations when I can. I talk to friends who are struggling. I think this time has also caused a lot of people with attractions like mine to reflect on who they are and what they want, and I've chatted with them, helping them navigate a bit of their lives.
Of course I'd rather the pandemic wasn't raging. Of course I'd rather be able to easily go out, get dinner at a nice restaurant with friends, see a movie or a play. But there is joy in the world, and now is the time to remember that and find it. So take a moment, reflect. Ration out the fucks you give, and find some joy in life.
You can find the original article, along with reader comments (and the opportunity to leave your own) at Leonard's blog. | |
