experiences

latest: sep 2020 to jun 2025


			10 June 2025 chronologically wrong: a transage map anonymous Some MAPs have a strong concept of themselves as a child, which takes various forms. Someone identifying as transage explains how it feels.

			3 June 2025 every day, forever hula Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

			27 May 2025 double life anonymous One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

			20 May 2025 not a question of guilt iceground At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

			6 May 2025 on mary oliver's wild geese james peak Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.

			4 May 2025 two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another bly Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

			2 May 2025 nitro in person py He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

			22 April 2025 lawful good: writing a nomap character tom jones As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.

			15 April 2025 nitro's final thoughts nitro I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.

			8 April 2025 mouse trapped: i was channel 4's masked pedophile anonymous In 2023, I appeared anonymously with a Channel 4 panel talking about my sexual attraction to children. It's clear we don't yet know how to have this conversation.

			25 March 2025 life is not a decision: a pedophile parent charlie keyes I decided, with every factor in play, that above all, I was going to be a damned good parent

			18 March 2025 caught between two stigmas markus I was sexually abused as a child. I am also sexually attracted to children. I wanted support for abuse survivors but was turned down. So where do people like me go?

			11 March 2025 i didn't figure out i was a pedophile until my 50s ethan edwards Looking back, it was there from puberty, but I was interpreting it as the fondness many adults feel for children.

			25 February 2025 the night i said the p word rakkaus keksit I’d agreed to meet my long-time friend one last time before I left. I hadn’t taken into account hash or female intuition.

			14 January 2025 a tale of two therapists sammy jenkis I was desperate to talk about this with someone. Could I risk it a second time?

			7 January 2025 at peace with my pedophilia ethan edwards Since I sought with passion the sort of partner that society approved of, there was little impetus to look at whether I had any other attractions.

			1 January 2025 poem: coming out day brandon goletzski i want to take my clothes off in front of you / then my skin too / toss it aside rumpled & empty

			14 November 2024 a note on the costs of self-hatred leonard johnston Empathy is important, especially for those who are most hated - even by me.

			16 June 2024 an obituary for a gay man leonard johnston I don't think of myself as gay. Their vibrant culture is not mine. And yet, their stories are my stories.

			17 December 2023 reflections, learnings, and critiques on an amazing pedophilia study leonard johnston Aella's survey found thousands of people with a sexual interest in kids. How should we interpret this?

			19 April 2023 in which leonard processes his feelings leonard johnston 2 of 4: I was skeptical about the claims of those saying they'd been "silenced". And then it happened to me.

			25 December 2022 happy holidays! leonard johnston From the bottom of my heart, Happy Holidays!

			30 October 2022 what made quora change its mind? leonard johnston 1 of 4: With over 1m views on 141 answers over six years, my Quora account was banned. Why?

			8 May 2022 star trek, me, and pedophilia leonard johnston You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia.

			26 November 2021 let's talk about disgust leonard johnston Should we be disgusted by artificial CP or other ways pedophiles like me find sexual satisfaction?

			2 August 2021 personal reflections on difficult issues leonard johnston 6 of 6: My personal reflections on what I learned in this series.

			20 June 2021 the mysteries of happiness, and how i found it as a pedophile leonard johnston I've never seen a self-help article aimed at pedophiles, so maybe it's time for one.

			27 April 2021 interview - the journey of leaving child pornography leonard johnston 5 of 6: Anywhere that CP is discussed, no one talks about how they stopped viewing it. Now someone has.

			11 February 2021 how do you end up viewing cp, anyway? leonard johnston 4 of 6: I received a message from a man arrested for viewing CP. I asked him to tell me about it.

			30 September 2020 is artificial child pornography a good outlet? leonard johnston 2 of 6: Is artificial CP moral? Might it lead to more harm?

10 June 2025

chronologically wrong: a transage map
anonymous

Some MAPs have a strong concept of themselves as a child, which takes various forms. Someone identifying as transage explains how it feels.

3 June 2025

every day, forever
hula

Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

27 May 2025

double life
anonymous

One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

20 May 2025

not a question of guilt
iceground

At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

6 May 2025

on mary oliver's wild geese
james peak

Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.

4 May 2025

two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another
bly

Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

2 May 2025

nitro in person
py

He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

22 April 2025

lawful good: writing a nomap character
tom jones

As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.

15 April 2025

nitro's final thoughts
nitro

I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.

8 April 2025

mouse trapped: i was channel 4's masked pedophile
anonymous

In 2023, I appeared anonymously with a Channel 4 panel talking about my sexual attraction to children. It's clear we don't yet know how to have this conversation.

25 March 2025

life is not a decision: a pedophile parent
charlie keyes

I decided, with every factor in play, that above all, I was going to be a damned good parent

18 March 2025

caught between two stigmas
markus

I was sexually abused as a child. I am also sexually attracted to children. I wanted support for abuse survivors but was turned down. So where do people like me go?

11 March 2025

i didn't figure out i was a pedophile until my 50s
ethan edwards

Looking back, it was there from puberty, but I was interpreting it as the fondness many adults feel for children.

25 February 2025

the night i said the p word
rakkaus keksit

I’d agreed to meet my long-time friend one last time before I left. I hadn’t taken into account hash or female intuition.

14 January 2025

a tale of two therapists
sammy jenkis

I was desperate to talk about this with someone. Could I risk it a second time?

7 January 2025

at peace with my pedophilia
ethan edwards

Since I sought with passion the sort of partner that society approved of, there was little impetus to look at whether I had any other attractions.

1 January 2025

poem: coming out day
brandon goletzski

i want to take my clothes off in front of you / then my skin too / toss it aside rumpled & empty

14 November 2024

a note on the costs of self-hatred
leonard johnston

Empathy is important, especially for those who are most hated - even by me.

16 June 2024

an obituary for a gay man
leonard johnston

I don't think of myself as gay. Their vibrant culture is not mine. And yet, their stories are my stories.

17 December 2023

reflections, learnings, and critiques on an amazing pedophilia study
leonard johnston

Aella's survey found thousands of people with a sexual interest in kids. How should we interpret this?

19 April 2023

in which leonard processes his feelings
leonard johnston

2 of 4: I was skeptical about the claims of those saying they'd been "silenced". And then it happened to me.

25 December 2022

happy holidays!
leonard johnston

From the bottom of my heart, Happy Holidays!

30 October 2022

what made quora change its mind?
leonard johnston

1 of 4: With over 1m views on 141 answers over six years, my Quora account was banned. Why?

8 May 2022

star trek, me, and pedophilia
leonard johnston

You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia.

26 November 2021

let's talk about disgust
leonard johnston

Should we be disgusted by artificial CP or other ways pedophiles like me find sexual satisfaction?

2 August 2021

personal reflections on difficult issues
leonard johnston

6 of 6: My personal reflections on what I learned in this series.

20 June 2021

the mysteries of happiness, and how i found it as a pedophile
leonard johnston

I've never seen a self-help article aimed at pedophiles, so maybe it's time for one.

27 April 2021

interview - the journey of leaving child pornography
leonard johnston

5 of 6: Anywhere that CP is discussed, no one talks about how they stopped viewing it. Now someone has.

11 February 2021

how do you end up viewing cp, anyway?
leonard johnston

4 of 6: I received a message from a man arrested for viewing CP. I asked him to tell me about it.

30 September 2020

is artificial child pornography a good outlet?
leonard johnston

2 of 6: Is artificial CP moral? Might it lead to more harm?

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