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As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again. Whenever consuming a new piece of media, it’s always nice to find characters we can relate to, one we can see a bit of ourselves in. In movies, shows or books, Seeing the hero, villain, or average Joe be relatable can help us feel seen and validate our own experiences.
But for minor attracted people (MAPs), more commonly referred to as pedophiles, they don’t really have any character they can call their own, one they can relate to.
In most portrayals in media it’s usually a character who has already offended, is planning to, or is otherwise remorseless in their actions and feelings. Growing up as a minor attracted person can be tough enough without seeing nearly every fictitious character portrayed as some ticking time bomb, or a monster in the closet.
Positive representations of pedophile characters are few and far between, which is why I set out to write my own.
I started with just a dream
I didn’t used to be into writing, it wasn’t even something I was particularly good at, my sister having to help me write many essays before I made it to high school. But somewhere along the lines, it just clicked for me: I found myself able to write better than I had and made strides in my classes.
But outside of that, I had no interest in doing so as a hobby or future career path, and barely did any writing after graduation. My passion for it didn’t ignite until I stumbled into the world of fanfiction, stories written by members of various fandoms, using the characters to tell their own stories. After reading many stories for different pieces of media that I enjoyed over the years, I had an idea to make my own, using a fantasy I’d had many times over the years.
The story itself started as a dream, one of the few that I could actually remember most of the details of. I’ve had variations of this dream multiple times over the years but the set-up was always the same.
I was in a zombie apocalypse, on my own in a world torn apart before I blunder into a rescue mission to help a child held captive by a gang. After rescuing the child, we begin a long search for the boy’s family in my hope to be a big hero and prove that not all pedophiles were evil.
This fantasy was the basis for my first ever story, with the plot and different scene ideas popping up one after the other in my head. I figured I’d make the story into a fanfiction, writing it down and waiting for the feedback to roll in.
The journey and the MAP
But despite the decent amount of views the trilogy of stories got, there was little to no feedback on my works. It was then that I thought of making a legitimate novel based on the story, and thus began the work on my first book, Finding What Was Lost, the first of three planned books.
I aimed to tell a dramatic story centered around a character who was a pedophile, one who wasn’t just some ticking time bomb, or pro-contact, but a no-contact minor attracted person: one that others could look at and see a part of themselves in. The character himself, Richard Jones, is based largely on myself, using my own experiences and journey as a MAP to help shape the protagonist and his inner thoughts, feelings and actions.
Besides his attractions, Richard isn’t anyone unique by any means, just a normal guy who was wanting something more out of life, or a new life in general. The zombie apocalypse was the perfect catalyst for his new life, and just maybe, would allow him to become a hero like the ones he idolized.
Richard is, for all intents and purposes, a nerd: a geek who loves fantasy and science fiction and who spent the majority of his time playing games before the dead rose.
As the apocalypse began to unfold, Richard saw the chance to do better, to be a better person than he saw himself as and maybe find some adventure in his otherwise dull life. Basing the character off myself, interests and beliefs included, made for an easy time writing the way he reacts to people and events and what pushes him forward in his endeavors.
Like everyone else, Richard sometimes stumbles in his attempts to do good, but he always means well and does what he can to make a difference in helping those he comes across. That simple, innate good nature that drives him is something I’m sure many readers could relate to, and was part of the reason I wrote him as such.
A character with personal significance
I wanted to have a neutral to lawful good representation of a character with scenes and growth that focused on aspects of who Richard is outside of his minor attraction.
In many stories featuring characters with attractions to children, that is the primary and sometimes sole focus throughout the tale, with little to no insight into who they are as a person beyond that. This is why I don’t shine light on Richard’s attractions till a good chunk into the book: I want to give readers a chance to see a bit of who Richard is before revealing what is simply just another facet of his character as a whole.
As I wrote the scenes where Richard’s attractions are revealed and I delved deeper into his mindset around them, it felt like it was my own coming out story all over again. I’ve come out to multiple people over the years, all with positive reactions, and it was interesting to write an outcome that was more neutral for both parties involved.
Whenever Richard talks about his thoughts and feelings around his attractions, they’re basically my own thoughts and feelings on the matter, whether they’re my current views or something I’ve felt in the past when coming to terms with them.
I feel that writing the character in such a similar way to how I am in real life, helps make Richard feel more authentic and maybe seen as someone the more "normal" people in real life could see as someone they may know too. His explanations and attempts to get others to know how he feels, to see who he is beyond the label echo the words I'd be saying to the people I want to know; his desperation to really be seen is the same desperation I've felt whenever I’ve come out to someone.
Truth in fantasy
Growing up with many episodes of Law and Order that focused on exaggerated versions of pedophiles and offenders, and movies of decent people trying to turn their life around after offending, I was surprised to see little to no representation of a minor attracted person who wasn’t plagued by urges.
That was one of my main reasons for writing this trilogy of novels, I wanted to tell an accurate tale of what the average pedophile is like, while framed around an entertaining zombie story. My first book has been released for over a year now, with the majority of its sequel, Returning What Was Lost, being completed as well.
These two novels, along with my planned third book, What Was Missing, will make up a trilogy that shares the same name as the third book. My hope is that this story gives rise to other positive representations of pedophile characters in books, movies or television.
Ones that future generations can look to... and feel seen.
Tom Jones is the author of the What Was Missing trilogy of books, the first of which is currently available on Amazon. | |
