i want to take my clothes off in front of you / then my skin too / toss it aside rumpled & empty

i want to take my clothes off in front of you
then my skin too
toss it aside rumpled & empty
i want to lay what i reveal in front of you
& have you love it
because it's me
& you find a way to love me

you told me to worry about people like me
so i worried about myself
you told me to fear people like me
so i feared what i might become
you told me to hate people like me
so i cut myself in half like a pig on the killing floor

i dug my hands in ripping nerve & tissue looking for that one piece my tearing fingers could extirpate that would make me whole

i found it
& it was not what you wanted it to be
it was everything you told me

here i am
every child i've ever been is layered around me like snake skins i never shed
help me take them off like you're touching my cheek for the first time
tell me you aren't going anywhere
tell me i'm okay
tell me you love me even more now
with no buttons, no zipper to secure myself back inside
i'll never wear myself the same with you

the p word is a collection of 316 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.

editor at the p word net | Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people. | Download the whole site.

lawful good: writing a nomap character

writer in a dark field: sheila van den heuvel-collins

never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk

tom jones

As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.

global prevention project

They said: There's no representation for MAPs. It's sex offenders, it's victims of sexual assault—so the stories they gave me ended up in this book.

bly

We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.

They said: There's no representation for MAPs. It's sex offenders, it's victims of sexual assault—so the stories they gave me ended up in this book.

We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.