i had a dream / of a man from years ago / alone after jerking off. his head
i had a dream of a man from years ago alone after jerking off. his head is the head of a mantis chewing through the head of a mate. his insectile teeth moving back and forth like meticulous fingers, like he is cleaning something violently. his head is a typewriter chewing through journal pages, minutiae from his days and days and days. keys hammering in his jaw, he softens the strokes, relaxes his throat, opens his mouth to receive another page. he takes the whole thing and opens again and the pages keep rolling around in his mouth. is he spitting out or swallowing down? i don't know.
but his eyes are afraid like he's been holding his breath too long underwater and his lungs are starving. starving like it's midnight and he's just jerked off and he's here in the kitchen now with a dinner plate polished so bright he can see his face in it. polished like the silver dish in the refrigerator full of his head. he opens and finds it here plated because he has not been telling the truth. not to himself anyway (or anyone else either) and he's hungry because that's what he gets when he jerks off. he's hungry and he's looking for something to replace what he's empty of now or maybe to absolve him a little for what's still left in him and the fridge is full of one silver dish with his quiet lying head full of teeth smiling down on him like there's something true it could say right now to make everything come together but (what was he jerking off to? that has him so hungry? don't say it. don't say it. is there honey under that tongue or a mouth full of locusts? don't say it) the lips are cold and his dinner plate is empty and he is famished
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