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Pedophilia doesn't define you. If you don't molest children, under the Pretty Good Pedophiles Shield, you should live life without shame or fear.
Ethan Edwards is the co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles. Blog posts reflect his personal views, and are not statements from the organization.
Back in 2012, Nick Devin and I put up a website, trumpeting to the world the existence of pedophiles who did not offend and did not seek to make adult-child sexual activity legal or accepted. We chose the name Virtuous Pedophiles, and our choice has been a source of controversy ever since. It does get attention. It does challenge people's key assumptions in just two words. All we meant was that many of us were as good as other people rather than being the monsters most people assumed us to be.
Over time the culture has read more into "Virtuous" than we intended. I'll accept for now this higher bar of 'virtue'. Pedophiles who reach out to others in society at large to spread our message are displaying the virtue of activism for a just cause — many NOMAP activists do this . Others who support online pedophiles in distress are virtuous by ministering to the needy. Their virtue deserves our praise.
We had a promising start of sympathetic publicity and genuine progress in educating sexuality researchers and some professionals. Progress with the public at large has been much slower. We have been working against a tide of social opinion that is increasingly hostile not just to child sexual abuse, but to anything that reminds them of that crime and those who might perpetrate it. The motive force is 90% rage and a mere 10% thought. The mechanisms that free societies have in place to protect unpopular minorities are under great strain in protecting us—privacy, freedom of expression, and freedom of thought itself are all under attack.
But my focus here is on those who give up a 'virtuous' path or never start down it in the first place.
Pretty Good Pedophiles
This concept is whimsically borrowed from the Prairie Home Companion store, Ralph's Pretty Good Grocery. Its modest branding is a wry contrast to the hype at the center of most advertising. "If you can't find it at Ralph's, you can probably get along without it."
What does it take to qualify as a pretty good pedophile? It's being committed to not molesting a child and being pretty sure you won't. That's a lot! It is the one thing that the public at large cares most about — and rightly so. But the general public will also encourage us to hate our attraction, hate everything about it, and hate ourselves for having it.
Your Shield
I suggest the Pretty Good Pedophile Shield, a simple set of facts, beliefs, and attitudes to protect the pretty good pedophiles from society's harshest judgments. You deserve it. Your fellow pretty good pedophiles, thoughtful scientists and professionals, and a fair number clear-thinking morally astute ordinary people will support the Shield. Take comfort in it.
The fact is, pedophiles start in a brambly thicket of bad vibes about our attractions based on society's messages and our own experiences. Put aside 'virtuous' for later — maybe forever. A realistic goal is making some breathing room in the thicket and staying away from the thorns.
And the thorns are many. Here is a sketch of the thicket.
The temptation to molest a child is one danger. For many of us, it's just not a possibility at all, but even for us it still qualifies as grave given the potential consequences to a child. Nothing should get in the way of that solemn duty. For some it is a difficult struggle.
Another big thorn is exposure, which can place our safety in serious danger. It is wise to keep our attraction a secret from the wider world — even pedophiles on the 'virtuous' track rarely take the risk of public exposure.
We pedophiles naturally want to reach out to others like us — to feel known and understood. Anonymous online interactions are by far the safest. But being complicit by the company you keep is another lurking thorn. A lot of child molestation is committed by pedophiles. Pretty good pedophiles think that's a terrible thing. We have an obligation to keep attuned to what our friends may be doing that they aren't fully disclosing. We'll do what we can to prevent or interrupt molestation. But a Pretty Good Pedophiles will likely not intervene in an unclear situation, given what we have to lose from simply having our own attraction revealed. A likely resolution is to put an offender out of our lives. We as individuals are responsible for our own behavior, not for the behavior of all those in our diverse category of 'pedophile'.
Appropriate Solo Expression
The human sex drive is strong, and people will entertain sexual fantasies about the others they are most attracted to. The enlightened modern view is that recognizing this and expressing it in a suitable manner is a healthy thing. Denying its existence or denying it any satisfaction is not. At an emotional level, most of society will react with horror to the prospect of a pedophile thinking in these terms, but the Pretty Good Pedophile Shield is here to protect you.
A ordinary guy can have an explicit sexual fantasy about the hottest woman celebrity, even knowing there's no way she would have anything to do with him. Anyone can fantasize as far above their value on the dating market as they choose. Likewise, you as a pedophile can have a fantasy about a child, knowing that child would never want sex with you. It is rude to even suggest your fantasies to partners who have not invited it, and especially vital to never let a child know what you might be thinking.
Pretty good pedophiles can look at images online that were not posted with any sort of sexual intention. They can do whatever they like with them.
The same goes for any sort of fictional material that is not linked to a real child — text, cartoon, or drawing. That is the moral judgment of the Pretty Good Pedophile Shield. It is of course vital to your safety and well-being to obey whatever laws apply to you. However, if you follow a strong moral compass and get caught by unjust laws, you're still a pretty good pedophile, just an imprudent or unlucky one.
Squeaky-clean friendship with children
Some pedophiles feel like we can safely explore friendship with real children. Many of us find it has enriched our lives, but great caution is called for. If you head down that path and encounter the slightest doubt about self-control or crossing lines, then pull back at once.
But that is not the only consideration. The world being what it is, you can cause harm if others simply become aware of your attractions. How to handle that comes down to emotional intelligence and sensitivity. If it's high, you might be able to pull it off and no one will be the wiser. If it's not so good, or if you're not sure, be cautious. If you get any feedback about acting creepy, then pull back. You're probably revealing more than you mean to.
Your life is as valuable as anyone else's
One very sharp thorn in the thicket is shame. It is a powerful societal message: "You haven't raped a child yet?," says Society. "Good. But you are a despicable human being. Your one and only role in life is to not molest a child. You carry the full weight of all the molestation that has ever happened. Relaxing or smiling, just for a moment, means you are justifying all that abuse and are actively complicit in it."
Some find it hard to break free of that thorn, but you can do it! You are responsible for your own individual actions, not anyone else's. You did not elect to join the Eternal Brotherhood of Pedophiles, signing on to its policies and taking on the moral weight of what your fellow members do as your own. The dice may show snake eyes, but it's nature that rolled them, not you. You are safe beneath the umbrella of the Pretty Good Pedophile Shield.
Where it all leads
So, have you personally never molested a child and are almost certain you never will? Then relax a little bit. You have earned your place under the Shield.
Does that 12-year-old boy take your breath away? OK, then that's what is true. Welcome to humanity, where most men feel that way about women, and some men feel that way about other men. Does that picture of a six-year-old girl in her bathing suit, brimming with the enthusiasm of childhood, make you feel faint?
You feel the same joyful lust that makes us all human—just for an unexpected someone else.
Others will disagree passionately — but you are safe benath the Shield.
Provided you're not harming children, or anyone else, then you don't have think of yourself as found guilty by nature before the trial of your life even began.
You are not responsible as a Cro-Magnon human for travesties perpetrated against Neanderthals. If you have European ancestors, you are not responsible for your ancestors' oppression of the Celts. Perhaps, within an intersectional framework, you have benefited from being male, or being white or being from the First World. Those are thorny issues that the entirety of society grapples with. But no one claims that you as a pedophile have gotten ahead in society because others who rolled snake eyes molested children.
Perhaps you can never have an intimate relationship with the sort of person you would really like most. Perhaps you have to keep your attractions a secret. That is your lot. A surprising number of people live their lives under more onerous constraints. Under the protection of the Pretty Good Pedophile Shield, live your life to the fullest, and live it with joy, as much as you are able.
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