I do not remember / my mother’s chin / whiskers as she / lifted and fed

I do not remember
my mother’s chin
whiskers as she
lifted and fed

I do not remember
meaning him
when I first said
dadadadadad


I only have
from negatives
yellow/navy
baby reins

and can’t regain
my first earache
shock of tomato
nappy rash

if I knew
I heard music
saw art
the first times



First breath
second urination
third toe stub
fled me

even as
they learned me

nothing stuck until


grill in floor
Harrow Way
connecting us
to next door
unglossed clay
toothy white
deep brown pile
edged with dust
papered wall

that is all

I feel nothing
for it now but

oh

it is my first
it was my first

the p word is a collection of 307 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.

editor at the p word net | Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people. | Download the whole site.

in april, i open my bill

poem: glass door, 1983

writer in a dark field: sheila van den heuvel-collins

benjamin harker

Paedophiles do not pursue the lives of cuckoos purposefully. We begin loved and welcomed. We are babies, then children and we grow up alongside you.

benjamin harker

And I, a head full of bricks, swung thoughtless / around the top post, through the gap, crashed / through the surface of that great, glass, perpendicular sea.

global prevention project

They said: There's no representation for MAPs. It's sex offenders, it's victims of sexual assault—so the stories they gave me ended up in this book.

Paedophiles do not pursue the lives of cuckoos purposefully. We begin loved and welcomed. We are babies, then children and we grow up alongside you.

And I, a head full of bricks, swung thoughtless / around the top post, through the gap, crashed / through the surface of that great, glass, perpendicular sea.

They said: There's no representation for MAPs. It's sex offenders, it's victims of sexual assault—so the stories they gave me ended up in this book.