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What is the best behaviour for pedophiles, given you don't like what we are? Ethan Edwards is the co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles. Blog posts reflect his personal views, and are not statements from the organization. Watch Hollywood movies with young characters in them. Listen to people say how all pedophiles ought to be shot and decide how to react just right so as not to draw attention to themselves. Cry later at the unfairness of it.
Hate themselves, even though they know they'll never act with a child.
Think their attraction is a horrible thing and it makes them evil.
Want to get drugs to reduce their sex drive, but don't dare ask a doctor because of mandatory reporting.
Meet a child somewhere and really hit it off and then realize they're in love with her. Get really sad that they can never do anything about it — and they never do. She moves away and they think about her for years after.
Get really depressed for reasons having nothing to do with pedophilia, but not dare see a psychotherapist because how much trust can there be if they have to keep this big part of them hidden?
Hit it off with a child but decide to stop going where they are because it hurts too much.
Work with kids because they're good with kids and it's rewarding, and their attractions are safely put on hold and not part of their motivation.
Avoid being around children because they don't want to be reminded of what they can't have, like a diabetic who decides not to work in the candy shop.
Monitor every action with a child and think whether someone who's not a pedophile would act that way. Is a hand on the shoulder supportive or suspicious?
Try desperately not to masturbate, but eventually do and feel terrible.
Masturbate happily and regularly while looking at pictures of kids in bathing suits.
Sit near the cute kids in the movie theater because it's fun to steal glances at them.
Sit as far away from the cute kids in the theater as possible.
Sit near the cute kids because, darn it, forget the kids, it's the best seat available for watching the movie.
Try to find a way to keep a favorite niece from snuggling on their lap without seeming like a big meanie.
Realize they'll never know love, never have sex, and never be able to tell their best friends about any of it.
Get stoned and drunk to make the pain and loneliness easier to bear.
See a therapist. At the 10th session, confess they've got feelings for kids but they'd never do anything. Watch the therapist turn steely, then call them before the next session and say they can't meet any more.
Wish fervently there was a pill that would just take away their sex drive completely.
Find a way to get out of babysitting for their nephews, even though they're their favorite ever, because it's getting too difficult. Risk their sister thinking they're a selfish bastard.
Prefer having fun with kids to trying to get them to follow rules.
Be a child's favorite grown-up for years, always kind of sad that it can be never more. The child remembers them fondly.
Try to stop thinking the attraction is their fault, but never succeeding.
Be really good at their job, found a successful company, be a great doctor, win a Nobel Prize.
Become a father and find they're never attracted to their kids.
Try to kill themselves. Recover and keep stumbling on.
Try just a little, anonymously, online, to show pedophiles can be celibate and decent people.
Get creeped out by other celibate pedophiles because of their mushy attitude towards children.
Feel guilty because their attraction is just sexual and the other pedophiles talk about loving them.
Realize that they're really angry at gays and lesbians out of envy.
Move on with life and have their secret attraction only be a part of them.
This content was taken from Ethan's longstanding blog, Celibate Pedophiles. Some of the titles and taglines have been edited for their inclusion at thepword.
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