It's hard to come out to regular people, but it can even be hard to come out to another pedophile.

In my 20s, I came out as MAP to a friend who I believed to be MAP and who initially seemed to signal that I was right.

But then he backed off, talked about it as my problem, something that he couldn't help with. Both were probably true but I felt so abandoned.

Then, worse... >

> some years later I found myself in the reversed role, with a younger friend who told me that he had these feelings too.

But by then I had a career, reasons why anyone knowing would be terrifying. When he asked me if I was MAP, I denied it, despite knowing I was.

Since then >

> another decade on, someone else in the same situation as me in his 20s asked me the same question, and after some squirming I knew it would be wrong to make him feel alone when he wasn't.

So I fessed up and it catapaulted me into finally joining the ACMAP community.

This >

> has complicated my life further. I still have things to lose and life seems more dangerous.

But I am not alone, and being among others in the same situation has allowed me to learn, assess, discover and find acceptance I never thought possible.

I hope I always have the >

> bravery in future to reach out and offer the same to younger MAPs who really need to tell someone, and never leave someone feeling more isolated, regretting the most difficult honesty they had to show. ::

About the author: I have been writing and talking about the experience of being a pedophile since 2017. Once on twitter until my account was banned in 2020, I co-led Virtuous Pedophiles from 2021 to 2025. I now continue to look for ways to improve the lives of pedophiles, but never at the expense of harming children. I have never viewed illegal material, and never sought or engaged in sexual activity with any child. The rest of my life is countryside walking, friends, Radio 3 and feeling doleful about ageing.

This content was removed from Twitter in 2020 because the author's account was suspended.

the p word is a collection of 321 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.

editor at the p word net | Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people. | Download the whole site.

review: ethical porn for dicks, part 3 of 3

the iq deficit of pedo abusers may not transfer to the celibate

regret of early sex in "diary of a teenage girl"

ethan edwards

The author is David Ley, the full title is Ethical porn for dicks: a man's guide to responsible viewing pleasure. This is part 3 of a 3-part review, on implications for pedophiles.

ethan edwards

Research on pedophiles has suggested that we differ from ordinary peoplein a variety of non-flattering ways . The implications of being short or left-handed are obvious and not very serious for a person's self-concept. But IQ is more central to a person's self-worth, and the claimed deficit bothers...

ethan edwards

The early sex was ultimately a serious obstacle to be overcome, not a simple early pleasure.

The author is David Ley, the full title is Ethical porn for dicks: a man's guide to responsible viewing pleasure. This is part 3 of a 3-part review, on implications for pedophiles.

Research on pedophiles has suggested that we differ from ordinary peoplein a variety of non-flattering ways . The implications of being short or left-handed are obvious and not very serious for a person's self-concept. But IQ is more central to a person's self-worth, and the claimed deficit bothers...

The early sex was ultimately a serious obstacle to be overcome, not a simple early pleasure.