pedophiles who don't excuse child sexual abuse

i'm a pedophile, but not a monster

the non-offending pedophile

the p word

1 Jan 2025 - What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours.

todd nickerson

21 Sep 2015 - I'm attracted to children but unwilling to act on it. Before judging me harshly, would you be willing to listen?

ender

5 Oct 2015 - Too many people still refuse to acknowledge the difference between pedophile and child molester. They judge people for feelings they didn't choose.

1 Jan 2025 - What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours.

21 Sep 2015 - I'm attracted to children but unwilling to act on it. Before judging me harshly, would you be willing to listen?

5 Oct 2015 - Too many people still refuse to acknowledge the difference between pedophile and child molester. They judge people for feelings they didn't choose.

every day, forever

double life

not a question of guilt

hula

3 Jun 2025 - Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

anonymous

27 May 2025 - One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

iceground

20 May 2025 - At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

3 Jun 2025 - Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

27 May 2025 - One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

20 May 2025 - At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

a strange and terrible unicorn

comfortably numb

we have to protect children, even the ones you hate

emma artless

1 Jan 2018 - The musings of a non-offending, female pedophile

ender

21 Jun 2016 - a journey through realization, despair, lethargy, awakening and acceptance

bly

1 Dec 2019 - A group of adolescents, many thousands strong, are struggling with self-hatred and fear, and most people don't think that's a problem.

1 Jan 2018 - The musings of a non-offending, female pedophile

21 Jun 2016 - a journey through realization, despair, lethargy, awakening and acceptance

1 Dec 2019 - A group of adolescents, many thousands strong, are struggling with self-hatred and fear, and most people don't think that's a problem.

the night i said the p word

star trek, me, and pedophilia

life is not a decision: a pedophile parent

rakkaus keksit

25 Feb 2025 - I’d agreed to meet my long-time friend one last time before I left. I hadn’t taken into account hash or female intuition.

leonard johnston

8 May 2022 - You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia.

charlie keyes

25 Mar 2025 - I decided, with every factor in play, that above all, I was going to be a damned good parent

25 Feb 2025 - I’d agreed to meet my long-time friend one last time before I left. I hadn’t taken into account hash or female intuition.

8 May 2022 - You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia.

25 Mar 2025 - I decided, with every factor in play, that above all, I was going to be a damned good parent

taking the l

never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk

two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another

bly

31 May 2025 -

bly

6 May 2025 - We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

bly

4 May 2025 - Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

31 May 2025 -

6 May 2025 - We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

4 May 2025 - Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

nitro's final thoughts

nitro: a community says goodbye

nitro in person

nitro

15 Apr 2025 - I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.

virped members

23 Apr 2025 - Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.

py

2 May 2025 - He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

15 Apr 2025 - I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.

23 Apr 2025 - Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.

2 May 2025 - He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

and on that day, i knew what i was

your mind changes you

married to a map

brett daywalker

2 Oct 2018 - The second that explanation finished leaving her mouth, I knew it. I knew that's what I was and what I was becoming. Now I had word for it.

jakob

7 May 2018 - I was a very confused teenager, and I actually went from being straight in my own mind to being gay. And, you know, then being a pedophile...

bruce and gina

11 Sep 2018 - As soon as she couldn't handle it, I was like, no, I'm done. Uh, this won't work, nice try, I'm gonna pull out, and I left.

2 Oct 2018 - The second that explanation finished leaving her mouth, I knew it. I knew that's what I was and what I was becoming. Now I had word for it.

7 May 2018 - I was a very confused teenager, and I actually went from being straight in my own mind to being gay. And, you know, then being a pedophile...

11 Sep 2018 - As soon as she couldn't handle it, I was like, no, I'm done. Uh, this won't work, nice try, I'm gonna pull out, and I left.

3 June 2025

every day, forever
hula

Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

31 May 2025

taking the l
bly

27 May 2025

double life
anonymous

One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

23 May 2025

poem: winter visit, 1994
benjamin harker

I didn’t sleep and, trapped in January 1994 in Stepney, in a single Victorian room, / I reached for a timetable

21 May 2025

poem: mole, 1991
benjamin harker

a dark poem from a dark place

20 May 2025

not a question of guilt
iceground

At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

19 May 2025

poem: a salesman, 1991
benjamin harker

Life's a banquet, his son had to beam, / and most sons of bitches are starving.

17 May 2025

a coming out guide for brave maps
brandon goletzski

People need to know that someone they love is a pedophile. If you're considering coming out to someone, here are my tips for doing it well

17 May 2025

poem: van de graaff, 1990
benjamin harker

At height on a plastic box, / feet off earth, your hand / spanned that chromy globe

15 May 2025

poem: fleisch, 1989
benjamin harker

One day in German, blond arrogant boy, / you engaged me unexpectedly. / Before too long I punched your nose,

14 May 2025

map fallacy 3: time bomb fallacy
bly

Why do people believe that all MAPs are doomed to offend?

13 May 2025

do maps disown the p word?
lecter

Some people say the term MAP is synonymous with pedophile. Others act like choosing the map label means rejecting the pedophile label. Neither is actually true to our experience.

13 May 2025

poem: a theft, 1988
benjamin harker

It was only a stolen kiss, / on the cheek, snaffled by darting in / over your shoulder, during registration, / while you talked to your friend,

12 May 2025

map fallacy 2: porn fallacy
bly

Why do people believe that all MAPs use illegal material?

11 May 2025

poem: ants, 1986
benjamin harker

There was something familiar / about the way you milled, accelerated / when that little playground rock / was first upturned

10 May 2025

map fallacy 1: molester fallacy
bly

Why do people believe that all MAPs are child molesters when it isn't true?

9 May 2025

poem: adored
benjamin harker

A poem to a life love

8 May 2025

the map fallacy: introduction
bly

Introduction to a series of posts looking at popular myths about pedophiles/MAPs

7 May 2025

poem: brian, 1981
benjamin harker

Brian had something / I did not / a lump

6 May 2025

never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk
bly

We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

6 May 2025

on mary oliver's wild geese
james peak

Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.

5 May 2025

poem: little knot, 1983
benjamin harker

Three fingers are the promises, Akela said, taking a finger of his own and swirling it around the circle of my thumb and little finger

4 May 2025

two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another
bly

Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

3 May 2025

poem: earliest memory, 1977
benjamin harker

I only have as negatives / yellow/navy baby reins

2 May 2025

the rest of the list
bly

A new podcast from the BBC highlights the gap between the popular assumption that known pedophiles are removed somehow from society and the reality that they are not. Why does this gap exist?

2 May 2025

nitro in person
py

He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

1 May 2025

poem: glass door, 1983
benjamin harker

And I, a head full of bricks, swung thoughtless / around the top post, through the gap, crashed / through the surface of that great, glass, perpendicular sea.

30 April 2025

in april, i open my bill
benjamin harker

Paedophiles do not pursue the lives of cuckoos purposefully. We begin loved and welcomed. We are babies, then children and we grow up alongside you.

29 April 2025

good freaks and good friends
charlie keyes

In my mid-twenties. I found VirPed. I read words that were my thoughts, and my experiences. And I cannot express how good that felt.

23 April 2025

nitro: a community says goodbye
virped members

Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.

Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.

One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.

I didn’t sleep and, trapped in January 1994 in Stepney, in a single Victorian room, / I reached for a timetable

a dark poem from a dark place

At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.

Life's a banquet, his son had to beam, / and most sons of bitches are starving.

People need to know that someone they love is a pedophile. If you're considering coming out to someone, here are my tips for doing it well

At height on a plastic box, / feet off earth, your hand / spanned that chromy globe

One day in German, blond arrogant boy, / you engaged me unexpectedly. / Before too long I punched your nose,

Why do people believe that all MAPs are doomed to offend?

Some people say the term MAP is synonymous with pedophile. Others act like choosing the map label means rejecting the pedophile label. Neither is actually true to our experience.

It was only a stolen kiss, / on the cheek, snaffled by darting in / over your shoulder, during registration, / while you talked to your friend,

Why do people believe that all MAPs use illegal material?

There was something familiar / about the way you milled, accelerated / when that little playground rock / was first upturned

Why do people believe that all MAPs are child molesters when it isn't true?

A poem to a life love

Introduction to a series of posts looking at popular myths about pedophiles/MAPs

Brian had something / I did not / a lump

We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.

Three fingers are the promises, Akela said, taking a finger of his own and swirling it around the circle of my thumb and little finger

Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?

I only have as negatives / yellow/navy baby reins

A new podcast from the BBC highlights the gap between the popular assumption that known pedophiles are removed somehow from society and the reality that they are not. Why does this gap exist?

He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

And I, a head full of bricks, swung thoughtless / around the top post, through the gap, crashed / through the surface of that great, glass, perpendicular sea.

Paedophiles do not pursue the lives of cuckoos purposefully. We begin loved and welcomed. We are babies, then children and we grow up alongside you.

In my mid-twenties. I found VirPed. I read words that were my thoughts, and my experiences. And I cannot express how good that felt.

Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.